I can finally say it. I have Postpartum Depression. I could never say it before. It was like I was ashamed of saying it. I mean you hear about it all the time especially while you are pregnant but you think “it could never happen to me“. I’ve always been the most bubbly person always the girl who would dance down hallways whether at work or wherever. I was happy and positive. So of course “it could never happen to me”.
After we had our daughter I was in love. It was like a love you can’t describe. A love for your child. Half the love of your life and half of you. It’s amazing. I was getting the hang of everything. Being a new mommy and a stay at home mommy at that. I thought everything was perfect. But after the first few weeks I would find myself crying for no reason. It most be my hormones. It’s not postpartum depression. I don’t have that. As the weeks passed and it turned into months passed I would have good days and bad days. I would wait until my husband would leave for work and just cry. The thoughts started to come. “Am I a good mommy? Would life be better without me? Would my daughter be better off without me?” I never had thoughts of ever hurting my baby just thoughts of maybe she was better off without me. I remember that day where I realized I had a problem. It was the worst day I had ever had and I just broke down. I called my doctor and said I think I have post partum depression. The nurse talked me through everything and made sure I had someone with me. My husband came home and I just broke down. I was broken. I was not myself.
The next day we went to my doctor’s appointment and it was confirmed I have postpartum depression. I got prescribed zoloft and could not be alone for two weeks to see how I was doing. With the help of my husband and family I got through the two weeks and felt less anxiety and less stress. Within a month I started to see the old me back. My mood started to change and I was starting to be more cheerful. I felt like me again. While I’m still in the journey of postpartum depression it is getting better. Did you know that it could take up to a year for your hormones to regulate and you feel back to normal? I wrote this blog not for anyone to feel sorry for me but to let all the mom’s out there that yes it could happen to you too. Never think never like I did. Don’t turn away from the signs and talk to someone. Don’t hide it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. God made us strong women to get through anything. God wouldn’t give us anything we could not handle.
I am not ashamed. I have Postpartum depression.