Happy Thursday babes! Today I’m talking about something I wasn’t going to share with anyone ever. I was just going to keep it curled up in a ball and put it away deep down. On February 18th we decided to take Lily to the Kansas City Zoo for the first time. We were so excited. The night before I had trouble sleeping. I woke up with pain in my stomach thinking maybe it was my acid reflux so I took my medicine then tried to go back to sleep and I couldn’t. I was just in so much pain. We went to the zoo and I was struggling. I couldn’t enjoy the day. We ended up leaving because I was in so much pain. My MIL watched Lily while Luke took me to urgent care. Urgent care wanted me to go to the ER right away.
To the ER we went. They ran tests, did x-rays, drew blood, sonograms, the works. There we found out 3 things: I was pregnant with our second child, I needed my gall bladder removed, & it was an Ectopic pregnancy. My baby could not survive. I was devastated. Luke and I weren’t even planning another child. Lily was still a baby and I was so overwhelmed and felt like I was in a daze. Everything was just happening at once and I was scared. In and Out came nurses and doctors and I was admitted to the hospital.
I feel like I had so many nurses and doctors- OB & my gallbladder doctor (I don’t know his actual name lol) my surgeon. We talked about all of my options and since my Fallopian tube wasn’t ruptured and it was early I could just do an injection to stop the pregnancy. My heart broke. I mean I knew the pregnancy couldn’t continue, there was no chance of survival but I felt like we were doing something wrong. I don’t want to go into too much detail about everything because it is still so raw for me.
Fast forward: My Pregnancy terminated and I got my gallbladder removed. There are days where I still think about our second baby. I always wonder if it was normal would it have been a boy or girl. I’ve kept quiet about this for so long. Only immediate family knew about this pregnancy, and it feels good that I’m being open about this. I don’t know what the future holds for us: if we are going to have anymore kids, will it be normal pregnancies, will we adopt, or are we done. All I know is that God has a plan for us and I put my trust in him.